Minimize electronic devices they said.

It’ll make you age faster they said.

This all on an electronic device. As if I wasn’t depressed enough already.

Get more sleep they said. Quality sleep. The kind that you don’t get if you have kids.

Use sunscreen they said. But mostly don’t use electronic devices because it’ll age your skin.

I just feel like crying and burying my head away. Recently I thought I had found some semblance of balance. I had given up on tiger PT’s requests. But the guilt would come back to haunt me. The questions and insecurity when I saw the little one still unable to sit up. The wonder if I was making a mountain out of a molehill after all or if all that fuss was right. The unrelenting feeling of inadequacy that mothering, especially mothering a child with special needs, brings. The unanswerable questions. When will he do this? When that? The starting and stopping of projects. The repeated feelings of failure. Am I just depressed I wonder or is it something else? The problems that have no answers.

As my skin wrinkles and blemishes show, I am reminded of the comforting text of Paul. Sown in corruption. Reap in incorruption. What is mortal will put on immortality.

This week, life has felt so very mortal. Every inspirational moment, every soaring feeling, brought low by some burden. Every sunshine snuffed out by some rain.

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